It’s been a while since I’ve written anything mainly because I didn’t have much to write about. Nothing inspired me. But listening to K-Love (Christian radio station) a few nights ago got me to thinking and I was lead to write this.
So, a little bit of what has happened since I last wrote. I can’t believe it was February. So, I found a job that was put before me in late February for a driver at an adult daycare for mentally and physically challenged adults. I started training, then COVID hit. I couldn’t finish my training, and I couldn’t really work so I told my boss I needed to protect my dad (before things really started coming out about what’s been happening) and she understood. I wanted the job, I thought, but in late April, I got the feeling that I needed to walk away from it and so I did. I trust my intuition. My husband and I then decided to try to go back out on the road. It was a complete bust as far as money. We just barely broke even along with barely able to pay what we needed to. We decided that was going to be the last one. I still needed to bring in some money, so I started delivering for a delivery app and I really enjoy it. It gets me out, I can make our bills as well. There is a lot of alone time and I really listen to the messages in the music, from the DJs, and the little short stories. And that is where this is coming from.
One of the DJs was talking about what are the little things you are thankful for. While I am thankful for so much, it all seems big. Most know that I am also a photographer and my favorite things to photograph is landscape and macro (up close). It makes me stop and see the small things. But, I don’t think I was fully appreciating the smaller things in life.
I’m sure everyone is familiar with the parable of the mustard seed. If not, the mustard seed is very small. It’s so small that it’s the size of the tip of a ball point pen. But it grows into a tree. The parable can be found in Matthew 13:31-32. “He told them of another parable: The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in the field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of the garden plants and becomes a tree, so the birds come and perch in its branches”.
This is how my faith has started, faith the size of a mustard seed. During the time I was caring for my mom, and even after she passed, my faith was shaken and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to get through one of the hardest days of my life. God has gotten me through other things, but I this I felt so alone. I knew He wasn’t going to leave me behind, but at that moment I did. Over the last 2 1/2 years, my faith has grown, but it has exponentially since February when I finally decided to go back to church. The church is a building, but what you get out of the message is what you are needing to hear.
About a month ago, our pastor was giving a message about leaving the past in the past, and used the story of Lot’ wife. Lot and his family was told by an angel to flee away from Sodom and never look back. Lot’s wife and and was turned into a pillar of salt for disobeying instructions. Her looking back symbolizes she identified with the people of Sodom. There are other ideas as to why she looked back, but that’s not important. They were told not to look back because God was going to take care of them and Lot’s wife looked behind as we do looking at our past. She didn’t feel worthy of His love because of her past.
All this started making me think about my past. I won’t go into detail, but it’s things that I wish I could go back and undo. The past has haunted me for years. I was Lot’s wife. I was looking back at my past not feeling worthy of His love and forgiveness. Then this started me on another road.. baptism. Baptism is about becoming reborn into Christ. Water baptism is significant because when you are submerged, the old you has died, coming out of the water, you are a new person. In this, I see that being baptized that I can wash away my past. The part that brings me down. Now, I have not done it yet, but I will be soon….hopefully. Now, to why I originally wrote this.
What small thing are you thankful for? I didn’t really think about this much, but that night, I was thankful for being able to watch the sunsets at night. But, in the true reality of it all, I am thankful for being able to see the bigger picture of what God has in store for me. I’ve always been able to “stop and smell the roses”, but now I have new found appreciation for everything now. I honestly don’t think that I could really appreciate the small things until I realized what the bigger picture is; and I don’t think I could see the bigger picture till I looked and appreciated the smaller things in life. I didn’t feel worthy of being forgiven by God. I’m thankful for so much. I still have my dad. I have an amazing husband and son. I have a roof over my head. Food in my belly. Able to pay my bills. I’m thankful for being able to watch the sunsets. And I’m thankful for the mustard seed.