Here it is, almost Christmas and I find myself lost. I have had an identity for several years. I’ve been a stay at home mom, a caregiver, and recently business owner. But now, my son is on his own, caregiving days have been over, and business was sold even though I’m trying to get my photography business going. But right now, I’m so lost of what to do with myself. Even if I were to find a regular job, what would it be? Not working a regular job close to a decade doesn’t make things easy. Sure there is fast food, but honestly, I don’t see me being able to keep up with it. Caregiving would be great, but honestly I don’t know if my body can handle it or my mind. I’ve done my own thing for so long, I don’t know where I should be.
Then today we realized the floor in the front of the trailer we live in, the are which is my son’s room, is crumbling. So now we really need to figure out what we are going to do. We need a new place to live, but how are we going to pay for it? I am thankful that I do have a roof over my heads but being in this trailer has about done me in. I want to be in my own place surrounded by my own things and not have to dig for what I’m looking for. Money is so much tighter than we expected.
Christmas this year hasn’t been the same. I haven’t decorated this year. Part of that is why I want to be in my own place. I want a regular tree but no place to put it. My husband has been trying to make me feel better. But right now the only thing I know would make me feel better is a home. Not just a roof over my head.