Turning the Chapter

I haven’t written in a while.  I haven’t given up on the book I want to write, I just have have had multiple tabs open  in my brain and its just been nuts trying to get all my thoughts together needless to say… has been interesting.  I have been working a lot on my cross stitch, trying to pass the time being stuck at home (another story in itself).  I am trying to keep the walls from closing in.  I have been thinking a lot about life lately.  Especially life after my son leaves for his next step in life next year.  Its hard to believe that we will be empty nesters soon.  So this post may not be like my normal posts, I just have a lot on my mind.

The next stage of life is creeping up on us as we speak.  I don’t know how else to explain it, but it feels so surreal.  I pray that I have taught my son everything there is to know about life, how to get by, how to treat people, things, and how to love most of all.  I wish I could talk to mom about all this.  I think all parents facing this feel the same way.  Did we do enough? Did we say I love you enough? Did we do this or that? I guess that goes down the road when we are in the position they will be faced with… taking care of us.  Are they going to be able to? I personally have told my son that if I require a lot of care, please, don’t kill yourself taking care of me.  If you can’t, then you can’t.  I will understand.  I don’t want my son to be burdened with all the care that I had to do with my mom.  I know we cannot control our kids after they are grown and out of the house.  But, I am often saddened to see stories of adult kids not will not help their parents.  The way I look at it, our parents spend 18 years taking care of us.  They saw us at our best, and at our worst.  We owe them at least the respect of helping them when they need the help the most.  Its really sad.  I know that there are instances where there is a falling out in the parent/child relationship.  Those are understandable, and I won’t go into how I feel about these because I know some things cannot be forgiven.  I have heard horror stories.

But, those who haven’t had a horrible life growing up, what is your excuse for not caring for a loved one?  To far… I get that.  Like I said in previous blogs, I will not bash my sisters and brother in law for living miles away.  We all have lives.  To busy… don’t give me that.  What is 30 minutes to you?  30 minutes will give the caregiver time to say maybe get a shower, run to get a few items at the store.  I think we all have at least 30 minutes to spare.  I have a career… I quit my job, though it wasn’t a career,  to take care of my father in law because he asked me to.  He was another dad to me.  He taught me skills my dad never did have.  He raised the man I married.  There are very few excuses that you could tell me that would not have a response back to make you think.

I’m sorry if I sounded harsh, but its really how I feel.  But anyways, the next stage is creeping on us.  I really don’t know how to feel about being an empty nester so soon.  My husband will be 42, I’ll be 39 when our son graduates from high school.  I have friends who still have little ones.  I was 4 yrs old when my mom was 39, dad was 43. Crazy huh? Some of my classmates have little ones, and some have had kids graduated.  In less than a year I will be trying to find myself once again.  Life is funny that way, we are always having to find ourselves.  One chapter starts and ends.  Through that chapter we are learning and doing things we love.  When that chapter ends, a new one begins and either we keep on doing the things we love, or we have to discover new things about us to love.  Some chapters are shorter than others.  I think the last few years, I have relearned me more times than I ever thought.

I plan to keep writing.  Its how I get my brain to stop going into overdrive.  Once I start, things just flow.  Next chapter… maybe start the said book.

 

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