Motherless Mother’s Day

Its Mother’s Day next weekend and needless to say, being a motherless daughter on Mother’s Day is quite hard.  Last Mother’s Day, we were in New York stuck because of our truck going kaput.  Now, this Mother’s Day, I will be at home and all feelings have been coming hard and fast this year.  The pain of losing your mom never goes away.  And when Mother’s Day rolls around, it smacks you in the face and reminds you that your mom is gone.  Not only do I morn my mom, I morn my mother-in-law as well.  She was my other mom.  She was amazing as well and taught me a lot about adversity.

Mother’s Day for motherless kids, not just daughters, is hard.  Its a bond between all of us that goes unspoken.  The heartache, the memories, the celebrations, the traditions, everything that we would do to celebrate our mom’s are not there to do anymore.  But, it doesn’t have to be that way.  My plan for my mom is to do what I use to.  Make a special meal, celebrate her.  Without her, I wouldn’t be here.  She taught me how to be who I am and so did my mother-in-law.  Those women were a part of me.  I was lucky to have a great relationship with both of them.

But, the hardest part of all this… the dreams.  The nightmares of my mom.  The last one I had shook me to my core and it took me a couple of days to get over it.  I won’t go into detail, but it was enough to really put me back to when I first lost mom.  The world is a totally different place without her.  I can’t call her to ask advice.  I can’t say hey, lets get out for a while.  Our world is completely different.  f609a53befc961a734173fdd37cf4409

I knew one day I wouldn’t have my parents here.  But, I never dreamed of the world I would live in without them.  I am lucky to still have my dad.  My dad is amazing and I cannot thank God enough for letting him still be here.  Mom wasn’t suppose to go before my son graduated high school.  That was the only thing I wanted her to see.  He was her pride and joy. She would always say, even after she was diagnosed with dementia, “There’s my boy”.  She was so proud of every little accomplishment he did.  I know she was proud of me too.  But, I know, she was a little more proud of having a grandchild, and that’s ok.

I am going to face this week head on with strength.  As hard as this week and weekend will be, I have no choice but to be strong.  I will try to enjoy what my husband and son do.  I have a reason to be thankful on Mother’s Day.  I have a son who makes me proud everyday.  He made me a mom.

So, with this, even if you have lost your mom, try to enjoy the day.  Especially if you have a child of your own.  Celebrate her with your own traditions.  Even if you have to start something new.

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