Spring time was my mom’s favorite time of year. We use to go out and look for flowers, especially bluebonnets. I have really been thinking about mom lately. Her birthday is in two days and its really getting to me. I have always heard the second year is harder than the first. I wish I could say that hasn’t been true. It has been trying this year. I have had to really fight to get where I am now.
I have fought severe depression, and that depression makes the pain worse, and the pain made the depression worse. I am on meds to help stop the cycle. But, in the last few months, I have been working on me. On top of the meds, I have been in therapy and finding me again. In the therapy, I have been told to get out more. And in that, I have started back to my photography. My life I can feel is changing. My anxiety has gotten better, my mood swings are less, and my body is getting stronger. I have been getting out more and more. And in getting out, I explore the back roads. That is something mom and I use to do. Go explore. Talk about anything and everything. I miss that.
I have been looking for answers for what direction I have been needing to take. On my drives, I listen to Christian music, I pray, I think, I talk to myself. A couple weeks ago I had a very loud and voice that came to me to pursue my photography. I need to make something of it. And after taking portraits of my friends daughter, and taking photos of beautiful landscape, I have seem to have greatly improved. Things seem to be clicking.
Tonight while driving around, I found a field that mom would have loved. It was full of Indian Paintbrushes. And next to the road, was even more. It was moving to see that. Mom has been with me. I honestly believe she has been with me showing me where to go. She always loved my photos. She lived through my photos. I honestly believe all of this is because of her.