Moving Forward

Last school year was hard. Last year was rough all around. We were trying online school, but because of hurricane Harvey, they didn’t start till several weeks into the year. Then we decided it wasn’t for us. My son ended up starting public school almost the last week of the first six weeks. Then add in my mom’s illness, it was all so much for my son. It was a lot on all of us. He had to do summer school and he was so worried that he was still going to have to make up some classes.

But tonight, open house for his junior year in high school, he has all junior year classes and he could not have been any happier. Me on the other hand, I have a sense of relief that life is finally going to go on as mom would want it too.

Moving forward has been my goal this summer. And I have come pretty far. I got to see my uncle that we lost contact with over 20 yrs ago. I knew mom and my cousin that passed a few days after she did, were there with us. I have also finally started taking care of me. My weight has ballooned this year. Badly. I weighed myself the other day and it higher than ever expected.

Moving forward is so hard for anyone who has lost a parent. It’s like ripping out a piece of your heart and soul. I have noticed that some, not all, are frozen in grief and they cannot do anything that is moving on. My dad, bless his heart, is one. I’m watching the grief eat at him and it’s heartbreaking to watch.

My mom was one to want us to do what we needed to and wanted to. She regretted not doing things and traveling and she lived through me doing it.

My son has been amazing since mom passed. He has kept his head high, he has his eyes on his future and as a mom, I couldn’t be prouder. He has shown me he is moving forward and I know his grandma would be so proud of his life goals.

So to all of you stuck in grief, ask yourself one question. Ask if they (whomever you lost) would want you to be stuck and not go on with life. Yes, some days are harder than others. But, I choose not to be frozen. Life does get better. You just have to fake it till you make it some days.

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