6 months

6 months ago mom left this life. It didn’t hit me until just a little bit ago, but I guess I knew deep down that today was 6 months because I have been in a deep depression all day. Yesterday was 4th of July. Yesterday I guess I just didn’t think about what the next day was. I’ve been trying to live life about as normal as I can. But there has been something missing. And its been mom. Mom knew what I needed before I knew. But, that was mom. I still go in expecting to see her in her chair, or on the road I still want to call and say hi and tell her where we’re at. I call dad, but its not the same.

Mom taught me a lot. But she never told me how to live without her. About 12 years ago, we lived in Arizona for 6 months. I called her just about every day. But, not seeing her is nothing compared to not being able to talk to her. To get the mom mom advise. To get the shoulder to cry on when I worry about things. Like now..I wish I could cry on her shoulder and hear her tell me its going to be ok.

I know now the next 6 months are going to be rough. Mom and dad’s anniversary and thanksgiving. That was her favourite holiday. They didn’t do Christmas so I don’t have to worry about that, but it was Christmas eve that mom took her final turn for the worst. Then we have the anniversary of her death. What makes it even harder, we don’t even have a headstone for her. I don’t even think dad has looked it called around.

Things I know will he ok. But trying to convince myself of that is a completely different story. I’ve had to fake it till I make it some days. I guess today just isn’t isn’t one if those days.

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