Life’s Lemons

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade or at least that’s what they say. Needless to say, I was at the point where I was going to start asking for limes and tequila instead. Reason I say that is because since we got our business going again, it’s been one thing after another and another. We had a trip to Utah and by the time we got home, the truck was barely kicking. Long story short, about $1500 later, new fuel pump and fuel tank we got running again. Then we head up to Ohio then Maine and what do you know, just south of Buffalo, NY we break totally down. Exact spot we break down.. interstate 90, exit 55 in West Seneca, NY. Mother’s Day of all days too. I was going to have a lobster dinner for mother’s day in Maine. Long story short, 2 blown head gaskets and both heads are cracked along with a bad injector, $7000 and 8 days in a hotel later, we were up and rolling.

But, in that week we were stuck, I did a lot of thinking (and cross stitch) about my life since mom passed. I also did a lot of sleeping too. Being at the hotel was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had zero stresses to worry about. No teenager (although I really did miss him), no dogs (yes I missed them too), no having to worry about cleaning, no nothing. I have been really running on fumes for I don’t know how long. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained and I didn’t realize it.

I told myself that after mom passed, I was going to hide in a hotel and recover. I didn’t then because I was afraid to be alone with my thoughts. And we didn’t have the funds. But, I guess better late than never. But, I really hate the reason I got my down time.

But, in the down time I healed mentally and emotionally more than I ever thought possible. I have rediscovered some passions I hadn’t thought about in years. Yes, I do cross stitch, but I fell in love with it again. But my biggest one, geneology. I first got interested in it when I was a kid. My dad’s aunt and uncle did it, and traced our family back to the 1600s and I have a hand written family tree done by him. I have one regret when it comes to mom, I didn’t really get into her side of the family because, well who knows. Now of course, I have questions. I resigned up with and to get answers. Then with find a grave, you can sign up to take pictures of headstones for research. That brings in my photography.

I haven’t been able to really do the last couple of things in a while. Maybe being stuck is something I really needed. My lemons was the truck breaking down. Lemonade was really focusing on me again.

Change is hard, especially when you have been in autopilot for years. I felt guilty for doing stuff for me when mom was sick. Especially in the end. Even after she passed, I have had a hard time with doing for me again. Mom is probably saying it’s about time. And it is.

Being broke down away from home, away from my son on mother’s day was horrible. But, taking that day to really morn my mom, the end of my caregiver life, it opened up a part of me that had been shut for a while.

I end with this. When something bad happens, take a moment to say what can I learn from this, not why me. I learned that the hard way.

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