It’s been a hard day. We’re on the road and our truck decided to break down in Buffalo, NY. We were supposed to be in Maine celebrating another drop off and Mother’s Day. But, instead we’re here in Buffalo in a hotel room and I have had to deal with emotions. I have cried, I have tried to relax. But, it’s not enough to drown out the thoughts of mom not being here for Mother’s Day.
I know I will always have a mother. She gave birth to me, took care of me, was my mentor, my confidant, my best friend. But I can’t call her and say “let’s go eat and then shopping”. That was our thing. My mom, my son and I had that as our tradition. I’m motherless because she’s not physically here.
Mom left me a sign today that I was needing to see. A white feather next to the truck. I had a huge sense of calm when I saw it. Mom being gone has just been getting more and more real. Today just made it a slap in the face reminding me she’s really not here. Then seeing everyone who does have their mom and their celebrations made me so sad.
I will celebrate Mother’s Day when we get back home with our son. And in all honesty, I don’t need to have a day set aside to celebrate my mom, or me being a mom. My son is my reason to breathe and even if we butt heads, he is my world.
To all of us who have lost their mom, our moms are always with us. We just have to look a little closer to the little things that they may be trying to show us that they are here.