2 Years Ago

Dec. 14, 2015 will be a day I want to forever forget.  I was on a high from an impromptu getaway from life.  I was out paying the water bill and while I paying it, I got that forever changing phone call.  I was barely able to keep it together in the car.  After the bill was paid, I parked and cried in my roommates arms.  I knew she had dementia before I even got the call, but that call confirmed.  All the blood tests, the CT scans, the memory test, all were clear.

Since then, I have become a stronger person.  I have learned to be a stronger person.  I have learned who I am.  I am no longer a daughter, I am my mother’s voice.  I am the one who helps her make sense of it all.  I have done things for her that I never thought I would ever do.

I never thought I would spend a part of my adulthood taking care of her like I have.  I always thought we would have our mother daughter days.  Mom now hasn’t left the house in now 3 months or so.  I never thought I would have to have someone stay with her while I am not able to care for her.  I now have respite care because mom’s anxiety kicks in so bad that she thinks everyone has left her.  I never thought my son would be put in the same shoes as I was the age of 13.  Now, he is doing exactly what I did.. laundry, dishes, and going to school.  There are so many things that I never thought would happen, but yet they have.

I don’t know why my life has turned out how it has.  Yes, I do get really jealous of women my age whose mothers are still in good health.  That can do things with their mom.  I also get probably more upset when I see daughters mistreat their mothers. I know that there are sometimes extenuating circumstances to stories. That is ok.  But when its just because they don’t care how they treat them, or they daughter doesn’t get their way, that is when I get upset.  You only get one mom.  You can have “adopted” moms, but you only get one real mom.


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