This above picture stated something a few years ago that was very positive. Now, I look at it and say, I didn’t ask for this. This life that I have now. A mom who is dying of not one, but two horrible diseases. A dad who I have no idea on health, but know that he will probably go soon after mom.
I didn’t ask to be given a life of so much uncertainty. I asked to be stable, to have mom around as a normal, healthy grandma to our son. For my son to have a grandma in his adult years, something I never had. I didn’t ask for so many morning to wake up with worry. I didn’t ask for us to be broke all the time. I didn’t ask for any of this and yet here we are.
What did my mom do to have dementia and cancer? She was the most caring, giving, Godly woman I know and I ask what did she do to deserve this. I know that I have my faults. I’m far from perfect, as we all are. But, there is one thing that gets me. Why ? I can’t think of anything we all did to get to here. I just hope and pray that there are better days to come.
I ask that whatever we are going through now will bring greatness to our lives. People tell me, “oh, you will be blessed for what you are doing”. You know what I say to that… it better be a huge one. Seriously, I have put my life on hold once for my father-in-law, for my self to deal with chronic pain, and now its pretty much on hold to help take care of my mom. I even was “nurse Nanci” to my ex-roommate to help him with wound care. I did that for years. I have focused on others for so long, I have seem to have forgotten about my own family and myself. Especially myself. Whatever is going on now, I didn’t ask for. All I can do is pray that this current situation leads into something I do want… stability and a degree.