Sometimes, when things are calm, you realize certain things. Like, for me, its my little family’s future. When things are calm, it allows me to be able to talk to my mom like she was never sick. Though she changed the subject, she still is my ear to listen. I have been thinking about how I am going to take care of my family. Husband can’t work, son is still a couple of months from being able to work. I have been subbing at the local school, but that isn’t enough.
I have decided to go back to school. I want to do this not only to prove to myself I can, but to provide a future for us. I want to be able to say I finished something. I don’t want to have to worry about anything. School for me will be hard. Working part time, going to school, taking care of my family. What you ask am I going to major in? Well, I leaning towards an English major. No, I don’t want to become a teacher, at least not now, if ever. But, I want to be able to become a teacher’s aide. I want to work with kids, but I don’t want to worry about tests and what lesson plans are going to be, and so on. I feel like this is where I should be. It will open doors that are now closed to me. It will also be the third generation to do an English major. My great aunt was a English Lit major and my dad was an English major and was an English teacher for a short while.
Having this calm (well as calm as it will get) has really allowed me focus on my needs for once. I have the support of my husband, son, and mom. I haven’t talked to dad yet, well that is another story. I will tell him, but not right now. The chaplain that we have come from hospice came today. I talked to him and he is probably the only other one I will talk to about this decision. I have prayed about this, and its just funny that he called me yesterday and now he and I have an appointment to talk. Its funny how things like that work.
I go back to my last post about the calm before the storm. It has been really calm for a while and it is almost scary making this decision. I am afraid I am going to stir up a major storm. And if I do, will I be able to get through it? I know with my family beside me, I will, but it scares me. It almost paralyzes me how scared I am. But, I have to do it. There is no other way to get ahead. But, for now, I am going to enjoy this calm. Our future depends on it.